Whether you (or they!) know it, other people are always reading your body language for secret clues about you. Find out what your gestures and movements are saying with these expert insights.
If you want your body language to show you’re listening to another person, make eye contact. But limit it: An overly aggressive eye lock can be read as threatening. “When you give more than 80 percent, the person you are communicating with will feel uncomfortable,” explains Janine Driver, author of the New York Times best seller You Can’t Lie to Me. Give too little (40 percent or less) and it can be a sign of deceit. The magic number? 60 percent, or a little more than half. “Give them eye contact, then slightly glance away.” Knowing these body language tricks will give you exactly what you want from life.
Crossing your arms? Others may read that to mean you’re distant, insecure, anxious, defensive, or stubborn, according to Barbara and Allen Pease in The Definitive Book of Body Language.
But arm crossing has its pluses, too. Driver points out that it can make someone better at sticking to a difficult task, citing a study that found adults who crossed their arms and then were asked hard math questions were 30 percent more likely to keep trying to solve them than those who kept their hands on a table. “The act of crossing your arms utilizes both your left and right brain, creating higher cognitive function,” says Driver.
So the next time you confront someone with a tough question and they cross their arms, don’t assume you’ve made them mad; they might just be trying to come up with an answer.
Sitting with legs spread
Driver says when you sit like this you’re marking your territory and exuding dominance. “People with power are seen to take up more space,” she says. Here are the best ways to build trust with your body language.
If you sit with your legs crossed, ankle over knee, you’re confident and dominate, says Driver. Known as “figure four” in body language circles, Driver says when you sit in this position you’re opening up your “power zone,” or the nether region. “We have three areas on our body where we open up when we are stress-free and relaxed: the neck dimple, belly button, and ‘naughty bits,’” she says. It’s a predominantly male movement but Driver says women are beginning to sit like this more and more.
Crossing your legs at the ankles while seated is known as the “ankle lock” and can mean you’re holding back, uncertain, or fearful, making it common in interview situations.
And ladies, if you want to appeal to a man, cross your legs at the knees. According to the Peases, men voted this their favorite position for seated women.